I've taken some flack over how much time I spend with Artem and how he doesn't spend time away from me in the care of a baby sitter. From the time Artem came home with us in April through to December, Artem had only been in the care of a baby sitter and away from me for 10 hours, total. And when I say baby sitter, I mean two of my closest friends and grandparents, they were by no means strangers. I'm not telling you this because I'm looking for the "Hardest Working Mother" award; it's just the way it worked out.
I never intended on spending 24/7 with Artem but after we came home from Russia, Randy was with us here in the states for a little under a month and then had to go back to UAE. We had planned on Artem and me joining him as soon as possible but the earliest we could get over there was the last week of September which left me by myself with Artem for 4 months. During that time I was focusing on building a healthy attachment to Artem so I didn't leave him except for a hair appointment or dentist visit, otherwise he went with me everywhere. It was tiring at times to never have a break, but I knew my number one priority was Artem and there would be time later for lunches with girlfriends and trips to get a pedicure.
By the time Artem and I got to UAE, we missed Randy so much and wanted to build on lost time, that the three of us were together all the time, except when Randy was working. Randy and I never left Artem in the care of someone else so we could have time alone; our priority was Artem and the attachment process.
December rolled around and we were in Florida with Randy's family for the holidays and I thought it would be the perfect time for us to finally get some alone time after 8 months. We left Artem with Nana and Pops and went shopping for a few hours. In the past when I had to leave Artem for hair or dentist appointments, he's never shown any concern that I was leaving or that I had returned. Quite the opposite, he literally shrugged his shoulders at me and walked off as I stood there waiting for a kiss goodbye and wouldn't even greet me when I returned. By December that had all changed and he cried big crocodile tears when he discovered Randy and I were leaving him. FINALLY! As much as you don't want your child to be upset, we knew this was a good sign on our road to attachment and we had reached a milestone with Artem. We left him crying with Nana and Pops and within a minute of us leaving he was happy and enjoying time with his grandparents. Upon our return that day we were greeted with a happy child that ran to see us and gave us hugs. We did this a few times while we were in Florida, always with the same results; cried when we left, then calmed down after a minute and was happy to see us when we returned. Last weekend I went to my sister in law's baby shower and left Artem in the care of Uncle Bill. Again he cried when I left and then was happy the rest of the time. No meltdowns, no problems. I was starting to feel like it was finally going to be okay for me to have a little time on my own and I might just be able to go for an occasional pedicure. Oh the luxury!!
Randy is back overseas and I am on my own again for another month until we join Randy at our home in Abu Dhabi. I hadn't been to church since Artem came home from Russia and wanted to get back to going but always worried about leaving him in the nursery. I decided this week that I had to get over that, maybe people were right, maybe I am "that" mom that obsesses about leaving my child alone when in all actuality, he would be just fine without me.
I left early for church today so I would have time to help Artem transition into the nursery before I left him. I signed him in, told them it was our first time trying the nursery and they gave me a badge with a number on it and told me that if Artem gets upset they would flash my number on a screen in the sanctuary and that would let me know that I needed to go get him. That made me feel better about leaving him. I barely got to say goodbye to Artem before he saw all the kids and the toys in the nursery and he took off for them. Phew, this will work, he's going to have a good time, he's going to be okay and I can be the "normal" mom that can go to church and leave her child in the nursery.
Church was great and I watched the little screen every 5 seconds to make sure #31 wasn't being flashed on it. No number ever appeared. A short time before service was over I thought I heard Artem calling, "mama, mama" but dismissed it as one of the voices that mothers hear in their heads when their children are not around. I was seated in the back of the room just in case I had to leave early but I knew I was still too far away to hear Artem's classroom.
Church let out and I immediately went to get Artem and noticed right away that he was not in the classroom. I knew instantly that it didn't go well. I wasn't worried that someone had taken him or anything like that, but I knew it wasn't good if he wasn't in the room. I asked the care giver where my son was and she explained that he got really upset that I wasn't there and another care giver had taken him for a walk around the building to try to calm him down. Now I knew I had heard Artem crying for me and it wasn't the voices; this time anyway. A minute later someone opened the door from outside and I can hear Artem in hysterics yelling, "MAMA, MAMA" and my heart just sank. The care giver brought him inside and I went running to him saying, "Mama's here Artem, mama's here." The woman asked if I was his parent and I told her I was. I had Artem in my arms kissing him and patting his head and trying to get him to look at me. He was inconsolable. His face was red and swollen from crying, he had snot running down out of his nose and he was shaking and crying so hard he couldn't get his breath.
I asked the woman, "Why didn't anyone flash my number? I had a number." At this point I was crying and wrenched with guilt for being selfish at leaving Artem so I could have an hour alone in church. She apologized over and over again and said she didn't realize I wanted the number called. What is the point of that procedure if they don't use it?
I couldn't get Artem to calm down. His little chest just heaved and heaved and he pushed me away with both hands yelling, "Our car, our car, all done, all done." I gave them the number back and left as fast as I could to get Artem outside. My tears were flowing and I cried all the way to the car, got Artem buckled in his car seat and sat in the driver's seat and continued to cry some more.
After a few minutes Artem stopped crying and I asked him if he wanted to listen to some music and he said, "Bus", so I turned "Wheels On the Bus" on the CD player and sang with him while the both of us calmed down. After the song was over he looked at me very serious and patted his chest and said, "Mama, Artem" and I told him, "Yes, Artem...mama and Artem...and mama will ALWAYS come back for you, I'll never leave you."
It completely broke my heart to see him like that and see him so scared and upset. I think next week Artem can go into the service with me. I'm not ready to traumatize him like that again anytime soon.
Before church, I couldn't resist taking a few pictures of my handsome little guy. I love how he puts his hands in his pockets. It reminds me of the JC Penny catalog models.

