I don't know why it is my fate in life to be surrounded by a series of "unfortunate events". The last time we went to Dubai, I wanted a massage for my birthday present. Randy booked the massage for me and watched Artem while I was gone. It was an 85 minute "Heavenly Massage" and I was told to get there 30 minutes prior so I could fill out health paperwork and enjoy the amenities of the spa. I don't know about you, but when I get a massage, I hate it when my legs aren't shaved and I can feel the stubble bending backwards as they work my legs. I splurged that morning and used a brand new razor so I could relax and not worry about my stubble. Razor stubble was going to be the least of my worries. I got there early, completed my paperwork and was then taken to the women's dressing area. The sweet girl told me, in very broken English, to get undressed and use the spa, sauna, jacuzzi, etc while I wait. She handed me a key to a locker and turned and left. The spa was VERY nice, straight from "High Roller" magazine and was impeccably clean but clearly lacking any privacy for changing. I looked all around but couldn't find anywhere private to change. I was trying to size up the locker and see if it was possible for me to fit inside of it to change when two older British ladies came in and immediately begin to disrobe right.in.front.of.me! I was trying to act cool and pretend like it was no big deal to see two 50+ year old British women buck naked right in front of me, but that song from Sesame Street kept going through my head, "one of these kids is not like the other, one of these kids just doesn't belong..." I finally retreated to the toilet and changed into my robe and came out holding my head in a, "I-just-had-to-pee-otherwise-I-would-have-changed-right-here-in-front-of-you-ladies" kind of look and made my way across the waiting area and into the jacuzzi area. As I got ready to sit down I reached behind me to gather my over sized robe and felt a void in the tush area and immediately got the sick realization that my robe was tucked into the back of my undies and I had just walked in front of the waiting patrons including 50+ year old British ladies that were nude in front of me two minutes prior. Nicely done Susan. Without giving you too many details regarding the rest of my massage, suffice it to say that they do things a little differently here in the middle east and no one told me that my petite masseuse would hand me what I initially thought was waded up dental floss but to my dismay ended up being a disposable thong that I had to wear so she could have full access to the area that I had just flashed to a room full of ladies five minutes prior. This painfully modest girl has decided she likes to the toned down massages of the US rather than the "all access pass" massages here in UAE, thank you very much.
So I tell you about that misfortunate event because even though it was traumatic, I still had a fantastic weekend in Dubai and couldn't wait to return for Artem's birthday this weekend. Upon arriving in Dubai this weekend I wanted to wash my face when we arrived as we were getting ready to go out to eat, and as I was washing my face, I reached for the first towel I could find. As I was using the towel, I thought to myself, "wow, this is really soft for a hotel towel" and started to look it over for the manufacturer's tag and noticed big letters embossed on the towel, T E D I B, "hmm that's strange, Le Meridien doesn't have a T or a B in it" and it finally hits me, that T E D I B is bidet spelled backwards and I just used the towel intended to dry one's nether regions on my face. No wonder it was so soft. Again, nicely done Susan.
But despite drying my face with the bidet towel, we had a nice weekend planned in Dubai to celebrate Artem's birthday. It was our intention all along to take Artem to Ski Dubai at the Emirates Mall but found out a few days before the trip that children under three years old are not allowed to enter. BUMMER! So we decided to take Artem to the aquarium that opened two weeks ago at the brand new Dubai Mall. Apparently half the population of Dubai decided to go that night too as it was so crowded we could barely walk around. The line to the aquarium snaked around like the entrance to Space Mountain and we knew there was no way Artem would be able to wait in that long line so after watching the fish and sharks from the viewing area, we decided to call it a night and head back to the resort. We ended up eating ice cream by the pool and looking for the moon, two of Artem's favorite things to do.
We did get to spend some time at the pool over the weekend and Artem gave his new floaties a try. In the past I've used floaties with Artem but he ends up face first in the water because he can't keep his bottom in the water. This time was much better and not only did he keep his tush down, but he figured out how to right himself when he got turned upside down and was able to kick enough to propel him to the side of the pool. We were so proud of him and finally had to pull him out for a break as he was severely puckered and his lips were starting to quiver from being cold.
When we were at the Emirates Mall on Thursday night, Randy found the funniest hats and he couldn't resist buying them. Do you think the good folks at Strasburg Clothing had this accessory in mind when designing the birthday jumpsuit??
Despite the obstacles we faced this weekend, we had another good weekend in Dubai and we think our birthday boy enjoyed himself too. Happy birthday little buddy!
